you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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