i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
