Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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