I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
