i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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