Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
