I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
