he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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