Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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