The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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