He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
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