Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
