The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
