I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
