Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
