I have demons in me.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
