I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
