I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
where are you?
Hypothermia
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
