I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
