The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
you inspire me to be a worse person
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
