belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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