There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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