he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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