Where did you get a picture of my penis
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
