I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
