I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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