im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
