I molested 6 butterflies tonight
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
