dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
worst night to have a conscience
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Panties = found
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
