well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
