Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
