It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
