1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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