I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
