i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
so let's talk penis.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Randomize
