Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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