my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
