i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
