Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
worst night to have a conscience
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
