So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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