I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
