Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
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