We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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