there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
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