Swine flu. Run for my life!
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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