these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
