I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
