Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I want you more than these girls want KFC
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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