She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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