Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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