I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
