shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
