i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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