Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
